Its Vegas…there’s booze, drugs, sex, gambling and bright shiny lights and things. Some people lose control; others are simply idiots. Our society is so committed to keeping people safe from their own stupidity that we often thwart the laws of natural selection. Thus, there is an ongoing continuous supply of idiots. Consider this week’s winners…err losers.
How do these people live long enough to reproduce?
Doctor Strip Club’s Idiots of the Week March 20, 2017
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Noah Flamingo
Las Vegas police arrested a man who was chasing the Flamingos at the Flamingo Hotel Casino outdoor gardens this week. He told them he was Noah and was trying to collect a pair of Flamingos for his ARK. Reportedly he was not drunk or under the influence. If the police had only left him alone, the problem would have corrected itself when he tried to collect a white tiger from Siegfried and Roy’s Garden at The Mirage.
2. Bad Parents…or should I say Child Abusers
Multiple winners here. First, we got a call from a Mom on Thursday night asking if there was a strip club in town where her son could get in and receive oral sex for his 16th birthday. (He’s above the legal age of consent in Nevada, so I didn’t report her.) She assured me she was going to be right there watching the whole time so that nothing bad happened to him. I told her that having her for a mother meant something very bad has already happened to him. She didn’t understand what I meant. And sadly, he will likely pass on her gene pool.
Second, on Friday two different sets of parents lost their children on Las Vegas Boulevard–one of them on Friday night at 1 AM. Fortunately, good people and the Las Vegas Police got to the children before criminals and they were safely returned to their parents. In my personal opinion anyone who has children under 18 on Las Vegas Boulevard after dark should be charged with child abuse and have their kids taken away. Yes I know it is spring break and the kiddies are out of school. But believe it or not, there are drugs and hookers and psychotic deranged people and other things your minor children shouldn’t see on Las Vegas Boulevard. Take them to Disney. Hire a baby sitter. Don’t bring your children on the strip after dark. It’s foolish.
3. Johannes the desperate greedy taxi driver
Ok…I could name a taxi driver as an idiot of the week every week in this town, but Johannes is special. He called Saturday night and said, “I am taxi driver”. I replied, “So you don’t like me very much…” He responded, “No I love you.” I guess he’s never seen this. So I asked how we could help him. He had 2 guys in his cab and had taken them to 4 different strip clubs but they were not allowed in because they didn’t have any ID. They were probably under age–I did ask if one had his mom with him–see above. He didn’t. Johannes was asking if I could pull any strings or us my connections to get these guys into a strip club without ID. I told him that was illegal and I wouldn’t even if I could. He proceeded to call back 3 times with the same request and various offers to share parts of the kickback the clubs would give him. About an hour later, one of the guys calls me and says they finally got Johannes to take them to their hotel where they had retrieved their IDs and were ready to go to a strip club now. My driver, picked them up about 10 minutes later. Johannes gets the idiot award because there was a simple, legal way to solve the problem but he chose a difficult and illegal method that didn’t work.
4. Horny People Tania M., Ricar H., & Diana P.
These 3 people called us repeatedly over the weekend. Ricar 702-918-03xx wanted me to help him find a male stripper who would come to his home and help him have his first gay experience. We told him “No” but he called back. Tania 702-502-85xx wanted to have a male stripper come to her home for a “private show.” When we told her we didn’t do that she wanted to know if she went to the club would one of the male strippers *&%! her in her car in the parking lot and which one had the largest penis. Then there was Diana 702-981-73xx. Diana calls early on Sunday morning and asks for me by name. She claims she met me a few years back and has always wanted to hook up. She wanted to know if I would come over to her house. I politely told her “No Thanks”. While I was trying to block her number she proceeded to call back 4 times to tell me what she wanted me to do to her and where she was touching herself etc. Folks, this is Vegas. It is easy to get laid even if you are into freaky stuff. Get out there, have fun and do your thing, but don’t involve us unless you want to go to the strip club. And if you do want to go to the strip club, we really don’t need to know what you want to do with the strippers…that is between you and them.